Deception of the Mind
by MarMarBinks
Summary: One-shot.  Raphael's mind as put up some pretty complex walls, hiding him from the truth.  What awaits him when he takes them down and finally remembers?


**A/N: **Nothing much to say, really. Just that, for those who enjoy lots of dialogue, this doesn't have much. Just one word, actually. So...enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

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><p>I enter the kitchen, my usual scowl in place. His eyes dart to me the instant my feet touch the tile. The rings under his eyes were numerous, showing his inability to sleep. His hands clutch a mug of coffee and I quickly assume that it is not his first nor will it be his last. His purple bandanna sits beside him on the table. What is wrong with my brother? I open my mouth to speak but quickly close it, knowing he will give some long explanation that will make no sense to me. I grab what I came for, a glass of water, and, after throwing it down my throat, leave.<p>

The silence in the lair is intimidating and I look around suspiciously, expecting a Foot ninja to appear out of no where. When no such thing occurs, I continue on my way. The dojo door is slightly ajar and, peeking inside, I see my master meditating on his special mat. He can usually be found doing this, so my suspicions of danger are put at ease. That is until he feels my presence and opens his eyes. Oh, his eyes. They are bloodshot as if he has not received any sleep either. Not just that. There is something...something swirling within his blueish-gray orbs. Something that is captivating, hypnotizing, but at the same time, repellent and depressing. Unable to handle it all, I look away and hurriedly return to my walk.

With a single leap, I'm on the second level, heading for my room. Before I reach it, however, a body exits a room and blocks my path, the clear course I had set. Like the one in the kitchen, his orange mask has been abandoned. His eyes, swirling with the same strange thing as Sensei, are puffy, an obvious sign of his crying. As if to justify the observation, he sniffles. Those large blue pupils begin to search mine, for what, I am not sure. Whatever it was, he found it or rather, didn't find it. He starts to scream, to shout. He's throwing insults at me from all directions as tears pour out of his eyes again. He cries out, telling me what a monster I am. An emotionless, uncaring monster. That, after all he - he? - did, I still walk around like nothing's happened. Like everything's okay. Then he turns physical. My brother starts to hit me wildly and clumsily. They produce no pain, but I am unsure of what is occurring. He stops at the sound of his name being called by a voice filled with pain and exhaustion. We both turn to see our master in the entrance to the dojo. The one from the kitchen has emerged to. My youngest brother stops shouting at me, but he still sends furious glares and hateful mumbles in my direction. As those blueish-gray orbs filled with something strange fall on me once again, I know I need to leave. I'm so confused as to what is occurring and, though Sensei did prevent my brother from hurting me, I can sense that none of them are particularly comfortable with me at the moment. So I leave. I rush out the door before another word can be spoken.

On a rooftop, I pace. Back and forth, back and forth. Thoughts race in and out of my mind. Why is everyone so...distressed? Why does my sometimes annoyingly cheerful little brother suddenly hate me? As time progresses, I slowly and carefully strip down the walls of illusion my mind has put up.

And then it all hits me.

The memories rush into my head with such speed and force, I'm knocked to the ground. As I sit there, holding my head, I suddenly remember. I remember a peaceful walk through the area surrounding the lair. We were just crossing a railroad track when _she_ appeared with all of her followers. She had snarled something about avenging her fallen master. The master we took down. As I and my younger brothers fought them, _he_ took on _her_. They fought fiercely, as did we all. I remember fighting a particularly large and challenging ninja when I heard it. The horn of a train. Everyone else had moved to the higher concrete in the midst of their battles, but I had somehow gotten onto the track. In my moment of horror, my opponent used the time to strike me again and again, not allowing me to get a punch in, until the train was nearly upon us. Jumping out of the way, he left me to my apparent death. But no. _He_ pushed me out of the way seconds before the train arrived, sealing his own fate. I cried out in anguish before, filled with rage, I proceeded to slaughter the remaining ninja like animals. She escaped but not without feeling the wrath of my blades first. I remember breaking the news to Sensei, going to bed in disbelief, and then waking up, completely oblivious to the events.

As I think about it, I realize how deep I was in my disbelief. I didn't want to believe he wasn't...here, and so, I didn't. Sometime in the night, my mind had built walls to deceive myself into thinking everything was just fine and dandy. My brain's smarter and more complex than I thought.

And then it all settles in. My brother - Oh God, my brother! He's...gone. Because of the ninja. Because of the train. Because of me. It all makes sense now that the walls are gone, but suddenly I want them back up. I want him to still be alive. I want everything to be okay. I want the pain to be gone.

I know I need to go talk to my remaining family. I need to tell them what happened, so they don't hate me like they're beginning to. But I can't bring myself to stand. I can't move. I let out a cry of rage, of pain, of loss. I finally acknowledge the tears that flow freely from my eyes, skiing down my cheeks and off my face onto the concrete below. I don't know how I can continue. I pull out a sai and drag my finger along the blade, thinking of the options I have. As I am coming to a decision, a chirp brings me out of my thoughts. A blue jay is sitting on the siding of the building adjacent to mine. I'm not my genius brother, but I'm pretty sure that blue jays aren't commonly found in New York City. I peer closer at it, curious. It's just close enough for me to see it's eyes. Those eyes...they're so familiar. As I stare into those eyes, mesmerized by them, it begins to sing. It isn't a normal bird song. Not even close. No, it...it reminds me of a melody. A melody from my childhood. Suddenly, I remember. It sounds strikingly like the lullaby my eldest brother would sing to us to get us to sleep when we had nightmares as children.

My eyes widen considerably as I stare at this bird. Could it be...? "Leo?" I whisper as I somehow inch my way towards it. It doesn't fly away like any other bird would. It merrily hops onto my outstretched finger. Suddenly I'm crying again - I never realized I stopped - and it chirps quietly, his way of trying to sooth me. When I finally compose myself, I look into those glorious brown eyes, knowing my own amber pair are showing the question dancing in my mind. _Are you coming home? _He shakes his head. Though I'm dying to ask a million questions, I know he can't reply to any. I reach out a shaky finger and slowly pet him. He chirps again and looks pointedly at the sky. The sun is rising. He's telling me I need to go home. I tell him I don't want to leave him, that he has to come with me! He slowly shakes his head, looking at me sadly through those beautiful eyes. After singing the lullaby once more, causing me to break into another fit of tears, he blinks remorsefully at me. Stretching out his wings, he takes off and I watch my brother fly away into the sunrise.

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><p><strong>AN: **Okay...that's not how I planned on ending it. I have no idea where bird-Leo came from! I don't even believe in reincarnation! *Sigh* My mind is so weird...

So this was a new kind of writing style for me. It was strange, but I like experimenting with new things. Tell me how I did, please! Por favor!

~MarMar~


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